There are just sometimes when I feel like that I have nothing left to give. I try and I try. When I feel that I'm doing something wrong, I change it. At least... I think that I do. I'm not perfect, nor do I strive to be...

Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe I'm a people pleaser and maybe I need to stop. I know that being someone like that never works. Ever. But at the same time, am I really that?

It just feels as though I get walked on wherever I go by at least one person. Someone with a dominating personality overshadows me or someone with personal insecurities drag me down to the ground.

I just can't win. It frustrating and I hate it. I hate this feeling. I hate the emptiness. I hate defeat. I'm so tired of getting close to people and then realizing too late that it was a mistake. A huge mistake. I hate it. I've often wondered if I should just go at life alone; that maybe I would be better off.

Then, I know that secluding myself is also a mistake. One that I resolved never to make again. I guess that sometimes love or companionship is worth the pain. I would have never met some of the wonderful people that I know now by being cold and unfeeling.

Cold and unfeeling... No. That isn't who I am, nor is it who I represent.

I'm just... weary. It hurts more than words can describe.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This song by Celine Dion sums it all up.

I Got Nothin' Left
Celine Dion

Anybody ever tell you that you're not whole
A hollow shell of man without a soul
Never ever felt your warmth cause you're always cold
Only thing that makes sense is letting go

Anybody ever tell you that you've got nerve
Treatin' my love like just another word
Tired of giving love to you that you don't deserve
So this is one way of saying it's over

Cause I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I gave you my best
And you treated it worthless
So I got nothing left

Anybody ever tell you that you're gonna learn
Trust and respect are two things you must earn
When it came to lovin' me you just weren't concerned
You never gave a damn so I guess now it's my turn

Cause I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I gave you my best
And you treated it worthless
So I got nothing left

So done with you
Maybe we're through
So done with you

Cause I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I got nothing left
I gave you my best
And you treated it worthless
So I got nothing left


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sorry for the emo-tyme rant. ._. I just needed to get that off of my chest.

-Madam Airlock